The Simple Secret To Looking Absolutely Awesome

It’s simple. Almost too simple.

What if I told you there was a super simple way to achieve extraordinary and rapid results with your body beyond your wildest dreams?

A way to look and feel 10x better than you currently do. A way to be the envy of all your friends and family. A way to never feel embarrassed or less than 110% confident at the pool or at the beach ever again.

You’re not dumb, so what’s the catch?

I wouldn’t call it a catch because everything worthwhile in life requires effort. Hell, even sex requires some effort! Think back to a time when you were laying in bed next to someone saying to yourself, “I’d love to get down but I’m just soooo damn tired. I wonder if there was a way, maybe they could…nope. This is going to take some effort. Damnit!”

Okay, here is the “catch” and it’s two phased:

1. It still requires a lot of effort.
2. It takes some upfront mental work that might make you feel a bit uncomfortable.

The #1 simple secret to looking absolutely awesome is this: Discover your “Why” and everything else from that point will be a mere triviality. All of a sudden getting up at 5am will be a breeze. Your effort will increase, you’ll build momentum, and you’ll begin to notice changes in your behavior you never thought possible. All of this will, of course, lead to changes in your body, increased energy levels, and killer confidence.

You won’t even recognize yourself and neither will your friends! “Oh my god! Look at you!” will be a standard greeting for the next few months 🙂

“If you know the why, you can live any how.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche

Think I’m kidding? I’ve coached hundreds of clients and I’ve taken my own body to painful extremes I wouldn’t bestow upon my worst enemy.

How is it that some clients can go from beer bellies to 6-packs in just a few months while others struggle and battle their weight for months or even years with little or no progress? How is it that I can go a week without eating solid food or dehydrate my body to levels so unsafe and unhealthy that I feel like a walking zombie?

It all comes back to your reason for doing something and a powerful and meaningful “Why”. Here’s an example: If I told you that I’d give you $1,000 if you could lose 10lbs this month, would you be able to do it?

Do you think you could accomplish this in a such a limited timeframe? Well, that probably depends on your financial situation. If $1,000 isn’t much money to you then probably not, however if you were desperate for money – you’d probably figure it out.

Let’s examine an extreme case and go Brad Pitt Fight Club on you for a moment. Remember that scene where Brad Pitt puts a gun to the head of the guy working in the convenience store? The video is embedded below for your viewing pleasure…enjoy!

If I put a gun to your head and said that if you didn’t lose 10lbs by the end of the month I’d put a bullet in your head, I’m sure you’d lose 10lbs. You’d probably lose 15lbs just to be safe!

What changed? The goal is the same, the method of accomplishing the task is probably the same. What changed? Your “Why” changed. The reason you are trying to lose 10lbs just got a whole lot more powerful and meaningful to you.

What exactly is a “Why” statement and does it involve guns?

No guns, but before I tell you what a “Why” statement is, let me tell you what a “Why” statement is not. A “Why” statement is not simply motivation. Motivation is surface-level, short-term, and fleeting. We’ve all watched a movie or read a book that ignited some motivation in us to lose weight, get ripped, eat healthy, be a better person, etc. It never lasts unless you have a deeper purpose, a meaningful reason, and a powerful “Why”.

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche

Before all my workouts I watch a motivational video like this one on YouTube. It’s part of my system for a successful workout. It’s a pre-workout ritual. Hell Ya! It gets me pumped! It’s awesome, but…

Do you know what that video doesn’t do?

Watching a 5 minute motivational video on YouTube might help get me in the right mindset to workout, but it didn’t help me schedule my workout on the calendar and carefully plan it the night before. It didn’t help me fast for 16hrs prior to my workout. It didn’t ensure I got in the car and drove to the gym. It won’t ensure I stay long enough to finish everything I want to do that day. And it certainly will not help me eat right and properly fuel my body post workout.

Motivation is a great tool and I use it often, but it’s just a spark. It’s not going to sustain you over the long haul especially when difficulties or obstacles arise. If motivation is the spark that fires up the engine on your car then your “Why” is the fuel that enables you to drive to your destination.

Now that you know a “Why” statement is not to be confused with motivation then let’s really tackle this question. What is a “Why” statement and more specifically, what is a “Why” statement regarding health/fitness goals?

A “Why” statement is going to be the real reason you are trying to reach your health/fitness goals. It’s the real reason you are trying to lose 10lbs, gain 10lbs of muscle, firm up your butt, or get 6-pack abs. It’s not the fake answer you give to everyone else that sounds pleasant or what you tell your trainer the first time he asks 😉

When someone inquires about working with me, I meet them and engage in a bit of an interview process. Not only to make sure they are a good fit more me, but to make sure I’m a good fit for them. During that initial talk, one of the first questions I ask is, “What is your #1 goal related to your health & fitness and why do you want to accomplish it?”

Goals can range all over the place, but 95% of the time I will inevitably get one of three responses for why someone wants to reach their health/fitness goal:

1. Feel better/healthier
2. Look better/healthier
3. Have more energy

I’m not joking, these responses make up a solid 95% of all answers to the “Why” question. These reasons are nice. I might even go so far as to say they are cute, but what they most certainly are not is compelling or powerful reasons.

Take a minute and read over them again. Would they get your ass out of bed at 5am to hit the gym on a gray, cold, and snowy morning? No chance. They are not powerful, they are not specific, they don’t tap into emotion, and they aren’t going to be a guiding light for you when times get tough.

Think back to Fight Club as the most extreme version of a “Why” and then reread the statement “feel better.” Not compelling and kinda bullshit right? Right.

“Feel better” is not going to get your ass out of bed at 5am when it’s cold outside and the last thing you want to do is get up and drive to the gym. How could it? Waking up at 5am after not enough sleep when it’s cold outside and you are in a safe, warm, and comfortable bed absolutely does NOT feel good. The end result is what feels good, but you will never get past your warm bed and to the idea or feeling of the end result when your reason for working out is to “feel better.”

What are some real reasons people workout?

People tend to workout in order to fit into their high school jeans, to get more attention from the opposite (or same) sex, to advance their career (think personal trainer or model), to fit in with a social group (think friends running a marathon together), or in order to play with their kids. That isn’t an all-inclusive list, but I think you get the idea now.

Now that you know what a “Why” statement is and why (haha) it’s important, let’s shift the focus to the how. How do you create a great “Why” statement? I’ve outlined the steps below. Don’t worry, I’ll dive into each one of these.

1. Identify Goal
2. Identify Reason(s)
3. Get Uncomfortable
4. Test & Reasses

1. Identify Goal

This is a prerequisite as goal setting is beyond the scope of this blog post. If you want more information on goal setting be sure to check out my previous post on tracking and goal setting called How Nerds Workout. The quick tip I’ll give you here is to make sure it’s quantifiable or measureable and make sure it’s attainable in 6 months or less. Fitness goals with a range of over 6 months can lose their luster after a few months of work unless you are a bodybuilder or physique competitor working towards a specific competition.

2. Identify Reasons(s)

Sit down for 5-7 minutes with a pen and paper and zero distractions. This means no cell phone, no television, no laptop, and no friends or family. Just you, a pen, and a piece of paper. One of my favorite bloggers, Ramit Sethi, calls this the straight jacket technique because you are metaphorically tying yourself down and forcing yourself to think without distractions. If you have a flight in your near future, that might be a great opportunity to do this. Side note, I do some of my best thinking on flights so if you have any health/fitness problems you want me to think about… just buy me a plane ticket. Problem solved. 

In that 5-7 minutes you are going to write down all the reasons you can come up with for accomplishing your goal. 

Big reasons, small reasons, stupid reasons, logical reasons, health reasons, whatever. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense, just write. If it pops into your head, write it. The more reasons you can come up the better; the more specific and emotional the better. You’ll work through the general “feel better”, “look better”, and “have more energy” real quick. That’s the point. Some examples of great reasons based on my work with clients include:

For the “We’re better than you because we have kids” parents out there:

• To be alive when my grandkids are born
• To be alive when my kids get married
• To be able to play with and actively participate in my kids/grandkids lives
• To set a positive and healthy example for my kids

For those self-absorbed “We’re cool because we don’t have kids” non-parents out there like myself:

• To advance my career or make more money
• To run a Tough Mudder or Spartan Race
• To participate in a physique or bikini competition
• For a photoshoot
• For a vacation or specific event such as a reunion, birthday, wedding, etc

3. Get Uncomfortable

Why do I call this the Get Uncomfortable step? Well, because this part takes introspection and requires us to be honest with ourselves. Two things most people try to either actively or passively avoid into today’s social media, look at me, manic energy, unfocused, and short attention span world.

Take another 5-7 minutes and this time you are going to take your list of reasons and look at each one. Begin crossing off each one that does meet my criteria for a great “Why”:

1. Deeply Emotional
2. Very Specific
3. Extremely Powerful/Compelling

If, after 5-7 minutes, you crossed off all the reasons you wrote down in the previous step then you made a bad list. Go back to the Identify Reason(s) step and repeat.

If you are struggling with the criteria for a great “Why” I’ll explain:

“Why” Criteria #1 – Deeply Emotional
This must generate an emotional response and be personal to you. For example, many of my clients that have kids use them in their “Why” because anytime you mention someone’s kids it’s highly emotional and personal. That is, unless they are a sociopath or just a terrible person. Not sure if you’re a sociopath? Try this book, very interesting read.

If you were overweight as a child or even as an adult then participating in a physique or bikini competition might be highly emotional for you whereas it would do nothing for me and a lot of other people.

Example: Here’s the story of my first fitness “Why”
I started working out to help improve my baseball game. It had nothing to do with looking good, getting yoked, or any of that crap. Those were all byproducts.

All I wanted to do since I was 5 years old was play baseball. It was my entire life and it drove all my decisions. My entire identity was wrapped up in baseball and I was a baseball player. 

As you can imagine, it was a rather devastating blow to my ego when I was cut from the varsity team my sophomore year in college. I cried like that kid in the image above. I got depressed. Then I got angry and I got to work. I started to develop a plan. Maybe those college classes were finally paying off (thanks mom & dad) because I had a few interesting observations…

Many of the people I was competing against for a roster spot were purely more talented than I was. Nothing I could do about that, but I did take note that of the people that were more talented than me many did not work very hard outside of practice and especially in the weight room. They didn’t have to. Hmmm, interesting.

Then I noticed of the people that weren’t more talented than me… they were some combination of bigger, stronger, and faster. These people kicked ass in the weight room and were always putting in extra time, but they were also not eating that well (what college kid is?) and often drinking excessive quantities of alcohol (again, standard). Hmmm, interesting.

I developed a simple formula (You tech nerds are going to love this):

IF Competition.talent > Me.talent THEN
        Work_Harder(weight_room, hitting_room);

IF Competition.talent <= Me.talent THEN
        Match_Intensity(weight_room, hitting_room);
        Outsmart(diet, supplements);

For the meat heads or non-techies in the group, here it is in English:
In order to compete against the more talented guys I’d have to outwork them plain and simple focusing especially on the areas they slacked off which was the hitting room and weight room.

In order to compete against the guys that weren’t more talented than me but were bigger/stronger/faster, I’d have to at least match their intensity in the weight room and outsmart them with diet and supplements in order to surpass them.

How does the story end? I wish I could tell you it ends with me hitting a game winning home run in the College World Series. Unfortunately, the real version is more like The Sandlot as opposed to The Natural. I worked my way back onto the roster again, I got time on the field, and I had a few good moments.

Let’s not lose sight of the point of the story. The reason I was able to work so hard, figure things out, and to get back into a uniform was because I had a “Why”. I was a baseball player. It was who I was and without it I felt like a nobody. It was critically important to my identity and self-worth to be on the baseball team.

“If your why is strong enough you will figure out the how.”
– Bill Walsh

As a result, I did whatever was necessary to get back onto the team and it worked. It worked because my “Why” was deeply emotional, very specific, highly beneficial, and extremely powerful/compelling.

“Why” Criteria #2 – Very Specific
Like any great goal, specificity is also necessary for a great “Why”. This is why “to be more healthy”, “to have have more energy”, and “to look better” are not great reasons or compelling “Why” statements. They just aren’t specific enough.

When I have clients that use these statements I counter with the recursive why technique. Like a recursive function (I’m on a roll) ask yourself “Why” again and again until you find the real reason. Example:

• Why do you want to have more energy?
  • To be more active
    • Why do you want to be more active?
      • Because my significant other is super active and likes to go on mini-adventures on the weekend and I want to share in those experiences. Boom! Now we are getting somewhere.

• Why do you want to be more healthy?
  • So I feel good and live a long life
    • Why do you want to feel good and live a long life?
      • Because I have kids and my mother passed away from heart disease when I was a teenager and she was only 50 and I’m scared I’ll do the same. Bam! Now, that’s a good reason to eat healthy and workout!

With emotion, make sure it is specifically your emotion that you are tapping into. I’m reminded of the all-to-often seen example of a women that seeks personal training not because she wants to but because her boyfriend or husband wants her to. In this situation the “Why” is highly emotional and personal but not for the women.

Expanding on this, whatever your reason is just make sure that it’s specifically your reason and specifically your “Why” and not someone else’s. If you’re doing this because someone else wants you to, it will not carry the same emotional response and therefore will not be as effective in helping you achieve your goal.

“Why” Criteria #3 – Extremely Powerful / Compelling
If you tapped into your emotion properly and got very specific, this step will often take care of itself, but sometimes we need to massage your “Why” a bit, develop a new one, or even modify our goal to really make it powerful to compel your actions.

Derek Sivers has a motto, “No more yes. It’s either HELL YEAH! or no.” I find this is a very useful tool for determining if your “Why” is powerful and compelling enough. It’s also a great barometer for determining if your goal is actually worth pursuing.

When you look at your reason(s) why you are pursuing a particular health/fitness goal – if you don’t say “HELL YEAH!” then odds are you will not follow through and you need to reexamine your “Why” or rethink your goal.

The power and compelling aspect of your “Why” will typically come from what you’ll get, what you’ll avoid, or how you’ll feel when you accomplish your goal. This may take some trial and error to find.

“When your desires are strong enough, you will appear to possess superhuman powers to achieve.”
― Napoleon Hill

 

4. Test & Reasses

Test & Reasses is the continual process by which you will test to make sure your “Why” is strong enough and then reassess if you determine it is not. Even if your “Why” works for you today, it may not work for you tomorrow, next month, or next year.

My “Why” has changed many times over the years. For example, here is how my “Why” has morphed over the years. These aren’t my exact “Why” statements but general reasons to show how things have changed.

• Baseball and identity as a baseball player.
• Stress relief and identity as an “athlete” now that I’m a desk jockey at a corporate job and struggling with who I am during this transitionary period.
• Fitness modeling, photo shoots, and the excitement of a potential new career
• Personal training, income, inspiring clients, experimenting with new workouts and training protocols for use with clients.

For example, a lot of men come to me with the goal of six pack abs. Everybody wants a six pack don’t they? When I ask for their reason for getting a six pack they say, “It would be nice to have” or “I think it would be cool.” Not good enough, not even close. Sorry, no six pack for you! As you can see this type of “Why” is not highly emotional, it’s not very specific, and it isn’t powerful or compelling.

In this instance, I’ll work with them to try and craft a better reason for having six pack abs. Sometimes we find a powerful and compelling reason and they push forward, but sometimes it’s the goal that is the problem and not the reason. If it’s just a nice to have goal then there is no “Why” we can come up with that will compel them to sufficient action. Keep that in mind when goal setting.

As you can see the Test & Reassess phase will be ongoing and continuous for as long as you have health and fitness goals. One question I often get at this point is, “How do I know when I need to reassess?” Again, you’ll know but these are some questions I ask myself and my clients every few weeks/months:

• Are you progressing toward your health/fitness goals? If not, reassess.
• Have you lost sight of your health/fitness goals? If yes, reassess and revisit goals.
• Are you giving your workouts 110%? If not, reassess.
• Are you slacking on your diet? If yes, reassess.
• Has your body started to slip in the wrong direction (higher weight, higher body fat, bigger waist, etc.)? If yes, reassess.

These will help you determine if and when it’s time to come up with a new goal, a new reason for reaching your goal(s), or better systems to ensure you meet your goals. 

Final Thoughts
Keep in mind, a great goal and a deeply emotional, specific, and powerfully compelling “Why” statement will skyrocket your chances of success, but let’s be clear – you still have to do the work. Remember when I said there were two catches to meeting your goals and blasting past previous limits at the beginning of this article? One of them was hard work and the other was the ability to get uncomfortable.

The work is absolutely necessary and there are no shortcuts to losing 15lbs or getting to 10% body fat. There may be faster or smarter ways, but you still need to put in some blood, sweat, and tears to get there.

My last tip on for creating your “Why” is to write it down. There is something very magical about writing things down and studies on goal setting back this up. Whether you capture it digitally in your Evernote (love this tool) or Workflowy (great tool for note taking), on a piece of paper with a pen, or on a whiteboard (damn I love my whiteboard too; I take too many notes haha) – just write it down!

I’m telling you, it’s a game changer. When writing your goals and reasons down, they go from a mythical idea floating around in your head that you can easily forget about or tuck under the rug to something real and authentic you can see and feel that you are actually accountable for.

It’s cra-cra, but cool shit. Try it. You’ll like it. You’ll thank me later. Many clients have 🙂

Now go and kick some ass!